Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
