Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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