Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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