Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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