im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
