I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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