she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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