I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
