didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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