took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
