Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
