worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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