I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
