Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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