I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
