We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
