I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
