he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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