i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
even my farts smell like vagina
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
