The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My vagina is officially offended.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
