Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
