He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
