Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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