I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
is it fun? or sober?
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