You smell like a Billy Joel song
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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