Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
