Michael Bay diarrhea
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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