He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We're too hungover to prance.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
