dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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