By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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