no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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