Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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