Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
