I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
