i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
