I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
