You can't motorboat a personality
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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