Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
