Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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