No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
