I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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