I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
