I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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