I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
