Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You made out with two different species that night
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
