i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
