I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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