Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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