All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
