I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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