No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
