last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
