Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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