this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
